Third week of art academy

Okay, so after the intake the waiting game has begun. Wait till this, wait till that, and in the meantime... life goes on.
But that doesn't mean it goes out of my radar (hint: it never does), or I will stop moving, stop caring. Little things happened this week which I'd like to share with you guys.

As you might have read I have had art academy intro, it's about three weeks ago now, and also how nerve wrecking it was, and that a classmate said she thought I was "really a girl" and all, which really hit me hard.
The first week after that there were many more of those moments. Moments when I was too scared to continue, moments when I just wanted to go to a place where no one would ask me stuff about my gender. Like when I went to the toilet, some big bloke said "This is the mens", I just squeaked "I know" and ignored him for the rest, but booyy... I was really shocked! It also gave me quite bad dysphoria, as the man misgendered me even before I spoke, and thus I concluded I do not only not pass with my voice, but just NOT AT ALL. Nada. Yup man, that sucks.
Also did the classmate I told you all about earlier misgender me again, during a game of magic. BAM, there goes my concentration. Game of magic? Fuck magic. I just wanted to be alone at that moment. 
A couple more of those kind of things happened, but ASIDE from those I had a good time. A much better time than uni intro (which was truly terrible! Not gonna exclude on that right now, but it wasn't fun), and the classes were awesome! (ahem, ARE awesome!)

Now we are a couple of weeks further, and the classmate who "really saw me as a girl" and kept misgendering me all the time now finally corrects herself. Sure, she still does it, but she corrects right after, which already means a lot to me, as it shows she understands what it means to me and is really trying. I don't know what made her shift like that, as I didn't speak to her about it, as I should have, but I am VERY glad for it!
Also are all people calling me Erik and acknowledging me as such. I am still kinda afraid they might have question marks or don't fully see me as a "real" guy, but maybe I'm just paranoid. I did not tell my whole class yet, and I am considering whether I should or not, and if yes, how and when.

Another thing is that I went to see the student councelor to speak about it all (she requested it herself), since there might be a chance my study gets delayed due transition (I hope not, but the chance definitely exists, so I should come forward with it in time).
She was quite respectful and understanding, and we talked a little. Only thing is she said my name really overly much, I feel like she was trying to signal she saw me as a guy n all, but it came across as a bit "too much". But at least she didn't tip it to the other way, heh.


Living as a guy prior to hormones is often scary, nerve wrecking and terrible, due bad passing (I personally feel like I do not pass at all, but that could also just be me), but when no one puts question marks at my name and gender I just feel SO good! I feel much stronger, happier, more at peace. Often people tell me they admire my courage for doing this, but I will honestly tell you all, it is not courage which drives me. It is pure self preservation.