AAAAWH YEAAAH BITCHES! It is finally real. I AM ON T! As of today.
I feel so psyched about it! I can't even believe I am actually on T already. Somebody, slap me. Is this a dream or something?
I'm sure the excitement will wear off after a few days, lol, but right now I just feel GREAT! My second puberty is beginning... RIGHT NOW.
Anyway, I'll tell you what happened today. I was at the VU for quite a while because of all the insane queues. I think I waited at the apothecary with my receipt for like 45 minutes or so!
At first I got a lot of questionnaires, not such a big deal. Though some questions were tricky, I just try not to over-think them, and answer whatever first comes to mind.
After that the endo picked me up from the waiting room, she and a guy talked me through some more info on hormones, asked me which type I wanted, and measured my blood pressure. After that one of them took my measurements (around my waist, hips, chest and shoulders I think. I haven't exactly paid that much attention). I had to take off my binder, which kinda sucked, but my psych warned me for this. I was already glad I could keep my underwear on, and it was over pretty quickly.
They gave me a whole bunch of forms to drop off at the reception, my receipt for the T, and a paper for a blood examination.
First I went to the blood post, waited for about 20 minutes, and got like six tubes of blood drawn. I thought it might hurt... but I felt practically nothing, lol. Pretty weird to see quite some blood come out of your arm, while it hurts less than a needleprick. (Everyone who is scared about it, don't be. If you'd close your eyes you wouldn't even know when the needle is in)
After that I went down to the apothecary to "quickly" pick up my T. At least, that's what I thought, HAH! Jesus! The line was enormous, lol. I don't know exactly for how long I waited, but it felt like hours. (though I guess 45 mins is more accurate, haha)
Once I got that long desired package, I went back to the genderteam and one of the people injected it for me right there. I can't say I wasn't nervous, lol. Just the thought of FINALLY getting T, and also getting quite a big needle shoved into my leg. But though it hurt more than my blood getting drawn (and also feels a bit sore after, but nothing bad), I was quite pleasantly surprised that it wasn't that bad at all. Quite anti-climactic actually, haha. Like "Was that it!?"
I have been in a pretty damn awesome mood for the rest of the day, but I'm SURE that's just a placebo effect, hahaha. Though the temptation exists to check if my beard is already growing, I know it doesn't work that way, lol, so all I can do now is just take my shots every 2 weeks, sit back... and let the T do it's job!
Curious when I'll start to notice changes (physical or emotional), think that'll take a couple months... but if something memorable happens in one month I'll sure make another blog post. Promise! ;)
It still feels surreal... somehow I still feel like tomorrow I'll wake up and discover it all was nothing but a very nice dream, or they just injected me with water or something, LOL. But it's real... it definitely is very real!
Have a great day everybody! :) (Have an A1-day!)
Posts tonen met het label dutch transguy. Alle posts tonen
Posts tonen met het label dutch transguy. Alle posts tonen
maandag 29 juni 2015
donderdag 11 juni 2015
Green light and DEXA scan
Sooo folks... I'm back!
I know I haven't written for a long time. That's because there was a three-month gap in my VU visits, and also because I've been pretty busy with school (and being a totally crazy Breaking Bad fan... ok, ok, sorry, I'll try to stop about that show. But just sayin'... if you want to talk about it with me, I'm ALWAYS up for a BrBa discussion! :P). Had some hard moments, but I'm very glad to say I PASSED this school year!
Anyway, I just got my Green Light this monday! I'm so happy and relieved. Even though I never really doubted they'd let me through... it still takes a big weight of my shoulders. I'm through. I don't need to explain myself or "prove" that I am who I am to anyone anymore.
My psych said it was pretty damn clear with me, and they let me through without any doubt. Yeah, thanks for acknowledging what I already knew! Lol.
At first she couldn't give me a date for the endo appointment, and said I'd have to wait till I would get a call... which could be within a week, or a month, or more. She didn't know. But eventually she put on her nicest face, and asked the receptionist whether they could set me up for an appointment already. (I didn't even ask her to do that! So nice!) They agreed, and now thanks to my awesome psych I can already go to the endo at the 27th of June, and have already had the DEXA bone scan yesterday. (yeah, they really check everything, lol)
I almost feel like I don't deserve all this luck. Because, Jesus... I've had some!
The bone scan was done pretty quickly. Just like... 15 minutes or so. I felt pretty odd, lying under a scanner like that. Just the thought they were sending x-rays all the way through my body and could see my... insides, without me feeling a thing. I know how it works, and I've had x-ray scans of just my back area when I was younger, because my spine is a bit... odd, lol. But still, it amazes me. We can fucking see through people with machines, but not stop a war!? Humanity is weird...
I wonder if I can get a printed image of my own skeleton if I'd ask...! Is that a weird thing to want? I'm just curious what I look like on the inside, haha.
If I'd ever get a brain scan I sure know I'd want an image of my brain too. I mean, seriously, isn't that just cool? How often do you get that chance!? (okay, and a bit creepy, I admit)
I can hardly believe I will probably already get T the 27th of June! (my psych said there was a chance I'd need another appointment, and actually seemed to imply that is a common thing, but so far everyone else I spoke to said they got the hormones right on that day, so now I'm not sure what to believe anymore)
I'm so happy and excited, and I admit, also a bit nervous. I never had myself be tested medically like this before, and I never really liked visiting a doctor, so it's all very new for me. But my desire to be at peace with my body and become myself is greater than the anxiety I have for doctors, calling, operations... all of it.
And last monday, I just got one more step closer to that goal!
I know I haven't written for a long time. That's because there was a three-month gap in my VU visits, and also because I've been pretty busy with school (and being a totally crazy Breaking Bad fan... ok, ok, sorry, I'll try to stop about that show. But just sayin'... if you want to talk about it with me, I'm ALWAYS up for a BrBa discussion! :P). Had some hard moments, but I'm very glad to say I PASSED this school year!
Anyway, I just got my Green Light this monday! I'm so happy and relieved. Even though I never really doubted they'd let me through... it still takes a big weight of my shoulders. I'm through. I don't need to explain myself or "prove" that I am who I am to anyone anymore.
My psych said it was pretty damn clear with me, and they let me through without any doubt. Yeah, thanks for acknowledging what I already knew! Lol.
At first she couldn't give me a date for the endo appointment, and said I'd have to wait till I would get a call... which could be within a week, or a month, or more. She didn't know. But eventually she put on her nicest face, and asked the receptionist whether they could set me up for an appointment already. (I didn't even ask her to do that! So nice!) They agreed, and now thanks to my awesome psych I can already go to the endo at the 27th of June, and have already had the DEXA bone scan yesterday. (yeah, they really check everything, lol)
I almost feel like I don't deserve all this luck. Because, Jesus... I've had some!
The bone scan was done pretty quickly. Just like... 15 minutes or so. I felt pretty odd, lying under a scanner like that. Just the thought they were sending x-rays all the way through my body and could see my... insides, without me feeling a thing. I know how it works, and I've had x-ray scans of just my back area when I was younger, because my spine is a bit... odd, lol. But still, it amazes me. We can fucking see through people with machines, but not stop a war!? Humanity is weird...
I wonder if I can get a printed image of my own skeleton if I'd ask...! Is that a weird thing to want? I'm just curious what I look like on the inside, haha.
If I'd ever get a brain scan I sure know I'd want an image of my brain too. I mean, seriously, isn't that just cool? How often do you get that chance!? (okay, and a bit creepy, I admit)
I can hardly believe I will probably already get T the 27th of June! (my psych said there was a chance I'd need another appointment, and actually seemed to imply that is a common thing, but so far everyone else I spoke to said they got the hormones right on that day, so now I'm not sure what to believe anymore)
I'm so happy and excited, and I admit, also a bit nervous. I never had myself be tested medically like this before, and I never really liked visiting a doctor, so it's all very new for me. But my desire to be at peace with my body and become myself is greater than the anxiety I have for doctors, calling, operations... all of it.
And last monday, I just got one more step closer to that goal!
vrijdag 17 april 2015
Fifth and sixth VU talk. LAST DIAGNOSTIC TALK! Whoop! :D
Yes, yes, I know I'm a slacker. I'm sorry folks. I just feel too
busy, lazy and not motivated enough to write lately, but since I just
had my LAST talk I feel like I HAVE to.
I will also shortly go over the fifth talk in this post.
Fifth talk
This was the talk after the psychological test. My psych discussed the results with me, which weren't very exciting. Basically she said I am mentally healthy, not delusional, and most likely don't have ADHD or autism (unlike what I expected).
Of course this is just a basic and rather short test and cannot signify as an actual diagnosis or 'proof', but they didn't feel like they had to investigate it
Basically the only thing which came out was that I clearly have gender dysphoria and feel bad about the female attributes of my body. (wow, no shit!)
Appearantly some people were asked to draw some things, and my psych was rather disappointed they didn't ask me, out if all people, since I'm in art academy. I also thought that was quite a shame, as it would have been fun, haha.
For the rest we discussed the last bit of my life story, and I felt like she really understood me and what went through me throughout my life.
I left with a positive feeling, and the more time progresses, the happier I am with the psych switch which happened earlier.
Sixth talk
I knew we would be discussing 'sexuality' this time (whoo-hoo), which also went rather well. I will not share everything we discussed because that would be awkward and weird, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. We also went into a bit more depth on my current wishes regarding operations (a bit early, since the first one will take more than a year from starting T, but I get they want to have an indication early on), and if I have a child wish and if I would want a biological kid. (yeah, of course. But going through pregnancy or egg cell harvest isn't worth it for me)
She said I was well informed and had done good research and thought over everything very well, which she saw as a positive thing.
Then after this she closed her notebook and said we had discussed everything and wanted to wrap it up and scedule me for being discussed with the team. I was pleasantly surprised by this, as I expected there to be one more talk.
Sadly the news if I have green light or not will have to wait till 8th of June. At that same day I have my next appointment with my psych, and then she will personally deliver me the news and plan an appointment with the endocrinologist.
She couldn't tell me how long it would take till I would get T, though she claimed it would be highly unlikely to get it right after the endo appointment, and said the first appointment was just a basic intake and there would be more tests after.
I was kinda dissappointed by this, but other trangsuys I spoke with said they got T right after the first appointment, before the blood tests and DEXA scan. I really hope this will be the case with me as well, as otherwise I fear it might take many more months... (and you might say that's easy, but it's even harder to wait when you are SO close!)
But yeah, nevertheless, pretty exciting news! I'm getting closer and closer... it almost feels surreal. I definitely know it will feel surreal when I get my first shot.
I will also shortly go over the fifth talk in this post.
Fifth talk
This was the talk after the psychological test. My psych discussed the results with me, which weren't very exciting. Basically she said I am mentally healthy, not delusional, and most likely don't have ADHD or autism (unlike what I expected).
Of course this is just a basic and rather short test and cannot signify as an actual diagnosis or 'proof', but they didn't feel like they had to investigate it
Basically the only thing which came out was that I clearly have gender dysphoria and feel bad about the female attributes of my body. (wow, no shit!)
Appearantly some people were asked to draw some things, and my psych was rather disappointed they didn't ask me, out if all people, since I'm in art academy. I also thought that was quite a shame, as it would have been fun, haha.
For the rest we discussed the last bit of my life story, and I felt like she really understood me and what went through me throughout my life.
I left with a positive feeling, and the more time progresses, the happier I am with the psych switch which happened earlier.
Sixth talk
I knew we would be discussing 'sexuality' this time (whoo-hoo), which also went rather well. I will not share everything we discussed because that would be awkward and weird, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. We also went into a bit more depth on my current wishes regarding operations (a bit early, since the first one will take more than a year from starting T, but I get they want to have an indication early on), and if I have a child wish and if I would want a biological kid. (yeah, of course. But going through pregnancy or egg cell harvest isn't worth it for me)
She said I was well informed and had done good research and thought over everything very well, which she saw as a positive thing.
Then after this she closed her notebook and said we had discussed everything and wanted to wrap it up and scedule me for being discussed with the team. I was pleasantly surprised by this, as I expected there to be one more talk.
Sadly the news if I have green light or not will have to wait till 8th of June. At that same day I have my next appointment with my psych, and then she will personally deliver me the news and plan an appointment with the endocrinologist.
She couldn't tell me how long it would take till I would get T, though she claimed it would be highly unlikely to get it right after the endo appointment, and said the first appointment was just a basic intake and there would be more tests after.
I was kinda dissappointed by this, but other trangsuys I spoke with said they got T right after the first appointment, before the blood tests and DEXA scan. I really hope this will be the case with me as well, as otherwise I fear it might take many more months... (and you might say that's easy, but it's even harder to wait when you are SO close!)
But yeah, nevertheless, pretty exciting news! I'm getting closer and closer... it almost feels surreal. I definitely know it will feel surreal when I get my first shot.
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